35, Life dan Happy

Salam.

Saya dilahirkan pada 31 Disember 1982, 9.29 malam. So officially, im not 35 years old yet. Masih 34 sebenarnya, as per today, according to my biological clock. But looking at 1982-2017, we can assume yang i am 35 years old. Ok?

Having said, today saya nak bercerita tentang life. More or less about my life, indirectly. 35 tahun, banyak dah saya lalui sebagai seorang manusia. Jatuh bangun, jatuh bangun, it seems life ni seperti ada tangga. Kadangkala kita diatas. Kadangkala bila kita tersepak salah langkah, kita jatuh semula. Dan bila jatuh tu, normally kita akan sakit. And it need sometime to heal the pain. So bila dah kurang sakit, baru lah kita boleh bertatih kembali untuk menaiki tangga tersebut.

In my 35 years living as KH, people do come and go. Ada yang datang untuk memberi seribu satu kegembiraan, ada yang datang memberi sejuta kesengsaraan, juga ada yang datang untuk memberi infiniti pengajaran hidup. Tapi, dalam yang datang dan pergi, hanya few person sahaja yang stay towards my jatuh bangun selama 35 tahun ini. They are ibu, abah, angah, nana, awi dan aish. My family. Parent and siblings. Lain? As i said, datang dan pergi, tak kira betapa penting atau manisnya orang itu terhadap saya. Still go and go.

At times, i think life itu mudah. Ada kala, saya rasa susah amat. Ada kala juga ia terasa mustahil untuk hidup. To be honest, at 35 years old, i still dont know where to go, what to achieve and what to do with my life. I only have one purpose in life for now, which is make my parent happy, and be a good big brother to all my sibling. Yang lain, masih kabur, which i dunno what to do dah. Sounds like frustration kan? Yeah, i think something like that.

Minat? Kalau tanya pasal minat, memang banyak. Tapi bila tanya benda yang paling saya minat is travel, and capture something out of it. Doesnt mind dari medium photo atau video, i love to capture those emotion and preserve it in a good still or moving image for me to show it to the world.

Why show it? Baik simpan kan? Kalau too much tunjuk, nanti orang cakap menunjuk pula. Yeah, who cares apa orang nak cakap. They will not stop. As for me, I love to see how people move by seeing all my works. It makes me happy inside.

My dreams, i want to work abroad and live there. Yeah, its kinda late for me to have this kind of dream. Umur 35 patutnya sibuk bina keluarga dan kerjaya, cari tempat tinggal and live as a normal people, kata mereka-mereka diluar sana. But, im totally not agree with that statement.

I am single, and i am not normal, so i do whatever i want with my life. Its not i dun appreciate your advice, thank you by the way, but i want what i want. And the reasom why i want that is because it makes me happy. Obviously im not happy here, so by having that dream, i know somehow it will make me happy. I dunno how, but it will. If you are a good person (which i dun have any), you should encourage me. Arguing with me will make it worst.

In life, i am at yellow. Green dah lepas. Tunggu turn nak masuk ke orange and then to the brown. After that, no more. Lepak dengan mungkar nangkir lah while waiting for tiupan sangkakala. There are a lot of thing i want to achieve in life. And seems life is being so hard on me. Not being negative here, i just shoot whatever i feel inside. By writing here, i can pour everything inside and make things clear. Penat asyik berkata-kata di dalam hati yang jelas tiada sudahnya. By writing here, at least i can be in peace, even just for a few seconds.

Doakan saya tenang, dan sentiasa bergembira. I just want to be happy. Maybe you guys agak keliru with me yang sentiasa gembira dan garang all the time, tapi sebenarnya penyedih (haha perkataan penyedih tu kelakar). What i mean here is inside me. I can pretend to be happy by smiling and laughing like hell in front of you. I’ll do that because i dont want for people to see how sad i am. I am good at it, trust me. But inside me, do u can really see me?

I want to be happy inside me. No more susah hati, keliru, rasa berat, contemplating to do things, i dun want those emotion anymore. And dunno how you guys will fit in, but if anything you can do to make me happy, even a bit, I thank you for that in advance, for giving me hope again.

Life ni susah. Ia akan jadi lebih susah jika kita lebih menyusahkan ia. Thank you for your time. Doakan yang baik-baik untuk saya.

Salam.

KH

18.11.2017